A bad poem about a silly boy

A whole summer wasted

thinking of you.

Fabricated happiness

in my head. What’s new?

 

All things this summer

made me think of you, dear:

flowers and music,

you’re all I see, smell, hear.

 

I still feel your soft body upon my skin,

the faint taste of smoke on your tongue and your lips.

I want to forget, but how can I,

when you’re so wonderful, kind and hard to find.

 

I thought you were different,

I thought you saw me,

knowing deep down

how painful this would be.

 

I knew all along

but I wouldn’t accept.

I’ve seen enough now,

please lay me to rest.

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A break

So, things are shitty. That’s putting it lightly. When you’re in a bad place already, the tiniest most insignificant inconvenience could occur and it will feel like your entire world is crumbling around you. I am trying to cope as best as I can, engaging in both healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms. This morning, I decided I’d had enough of obsessively refreshing social media looking for confirmation of something I am certain of deep down. I deleted all my social media apps and immediately felt less anxious and like it all mattered less. I had my first shower in five days (depression things), wrote an angsty poem and binge watched some Bojack Horseman. I intend to keep updating my blog as another way of distracting myself. I now have an overwhelming desire to log back into my social media accounts, and I know I probably don’t have the willpower to keep this up for more than a couple of days, but I really am trying.

A Brief Introduction

Hello and welcome to my brand new blog. My name is Isobel, I am 20 years old and studying Film Studies at university. I’m passionate about films (obviously), books and writing. Films and books have always been a huge part of my life and have helped shape me into who I am today (the insightful, open-minded, nature-loving academic, not the depressed, anxious mess). Mental illness is also a huge part of my life. I was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome at the age of seven and although it’s less prominent than it was back then, it still affects my everyday life. During my teenage years, I went on to develop depression, anxiety, anorexia and bulimia. There are good days and bad days, good years and bad years. Currently, I am struggling, but that’s okay. I don’t believe I will ever fully recover, so I’m just getting by and trying to find healthy coping strategies. This is one of them.

I’ve had several blogs in the past which I’ve promised to keep updated but failed abysmally after less than a month. This time I’m putting no pressure on myself though. This time I’m doing it for me, with no intention of trying to impress. I will not stick to a schedule and I will post whatever and whenever I feel like posting. This is my own space which I intend to use as I please. I’m not entirely sure what the theme of this blog will be or whether it will even have one, but as you have probably gathered, I will be talking a lot about films, books and mental health. I hope to make my first post very soon, so until next time…